I was stunned to learn that a friend just deleted me on Facebook. Not that this hasn't happened before, I assure you, I piss off a lot of people, but this was someone who decided to delete me after moving away. I suspect I'm not the only one.
We used to work together. I remember one time she was down and out, I gave her a gift card at Christmas because I thought she could use it. I remember actively looking through job ads when she was trying to find extra work and sending along anything I thought would interest her. I made a point to see her at work before she moved and checked in after the fact to make sure she arrived safely. And then she deleted me from Facebook.
People are strange. During COVID, I learned that it doesn't take much to turn people against you. As a real friend pointed out to me earlier today, people sometimes know exactly who you are (she was specifically referring to having a strong opinion) and have no issue with you until you disagree with them. The pandemic was a big one. But let's leave the COVID snake in the basket for today. That's a topic in itself.
And don't get me wrong. When something of this nature happens to me, I always reflect on whether I've done the same to someone else. And yes, years ago, I was part of a group laid off at my work, and I did delete some former coworkers at that time. Of course, these weren't people with whom I had personal relationships; they were just people I worked with that I kind of thought were dicks anyway. Of them all, only one had ever reached out to me after the fact, and that was to make a slightly insensitive remark (which I can't recall now) that pissed me off. Well, in fairness, she was kind of a dick too, so I guess she also fell in the last category. But that in itself could be another story for another day. In fact, Vancouver itself is another story for another day. And boy, do I want to talk.
But back to the topic at hand. Friendships are a strange thing. When I was a kid, I wanted to be everyone's friend, despite the fact that I wasn't exactly a popular choice. In high school, I had short-term friends, but mostly no friends. I actually felt quite ostracized, even though I wasn't sure what it was back then; it's something I recognized as an adult. I moved to Moncton while still a teenager and was shocked to make lots of friends quickly. After thinking I was a terrible, horrid person who no one wanted to be friends with (or seen with, more accurately. I had some friends who'd talk to me on the phone or in secret, just not in public 🙄) so, imagine my surprise when I made friends everywhere I went. One of my best friends back then was a lady I met at the corner store! We always chatted, and people thought we were sisters. I made friends at every job I had. I made friends at the bars. I made friends with neighbors who started chatting with me as I walked by one day. It was the total opposite of when I lived on PEI, and I'm happy to report that a lot of those people are still my friends. I later moved to Vancouver, and it was the same thing.
Then I moved back to PEI. This island is a different animal altogether. I quickly saw my high school patterns form again. People were friendly, but standoffish, and after awhile, I got standoffish too. I seemed to be seen with different eyes here than in other places. The friendships I have made here tend to be mostly people who aren't from the island or were away from it for long periods of time, so they see the world a bit differently. Locals tend to judge people from the family they come from, or the person they were 40 years ago, that kind of thing. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people talk about 'that bunch' or the 'so and so's (insert family name) in a generalized way, and it's clear that it would take a lot to change your brand once it's been established.
These days, my friend group is small but mighty. Some of my best friends live in NB. I may not talk to them every day, but if I were to visit Moncton tomorrow, they'd welcome me with a warm hug and be sincerely happy to see me. BC is the same. PEI is a different animal, as I said earlier. I have a small group of friends here, and to be honest, most of them would report feeling like they don't fit in with the majority of people here. As I said, there's a standoffish vibe that's unfortunate, but a real thing here.
So the state of friendship in 2025 is back to awkward, like it was when I grew up on the island. But it's fine because with technology, it's easy to keep in touch with people who I know care and know me well. And really, you only need a few of those people.
