Saturday, January 12, 2019

The single blog revisited

For some reason, earlier today I was thinking about a blog I wrote a few years ago called The Stigma of Being Single. I considered deleting or updating some older blogs so that they better reflect my current views and considering that one that has some of the highest amounts of views, it seemed like a good place to start.

I originally wrote about this topic in 2014. At the time, I had just moved here from Vancouver and felt a bit judged when I first returned to my hometown. Where have you been, what have you been doing and why aren't you married seemed to be the most common questions I was asked by relatives, acquaintances and strangers alike. Considering I had moved away years earlier, attempting to answer any of these questions would've stirred up a complicated pot, so avoidance was usually a better chose.

In truth, most people aren't genuinely interested and invested in our lives, so really, do you want to go down that rabbit hole? Life is fucking complicated and that's why most of us are exactly where we are right now, regardless of wherever that may be. We try our best and sometimes, things work and sometimes they don't.

When it comes to being single,  I've always believed that being involved in a serious, committed relationship such as marriage isn't something people should do lightly. At least, it's not something I could or would do lightly. Not to suggest that anyone does but sometimes, I believe people tend to find themselves following other people's visions for their own lives and that's unfortunate because it can very quickly turn into a hornet's nest. I know. I've seen it.

I also think that you need to be at a certain level of personal development. In other words, I think people need to a grow up a lot before they start hitching their wagon to someone else's life. It's not up to someone else to fulfill you, to make you happy or to keep you entertained. They always say that a child shouldn't be born with a 'job' in the parent's life and the same can be said for a partner. It's no one's job to fix you, inflate your ego, pay your way or make you feel valued. Most people can barely manage to do these things for themselves let alone themselves and someone else. I've seen it play out many times, including in my own life and it does not go well.

Not to say I'm the expert or that I will ever know everything there is to know about relationships. I think we're all always learning, as we should be and we just keep trying to do a little better each day.

I will say, I do love men. I know a lot of women (both married and single) who seem to hate men. I simply adore men. I think some of the most loyal friends I've had have been men. I know other women who feel the same way too. These are the people who would be there to help you bury the bodies (not literally....well, then again, maybe.....😂) if you needed them. I'm fortunate to have some of those friends from coast to coast (not in every province but a few, strong friendships) and it's awesome. I love how men think. They solve problems and move on. They get arguments and move on. They end one thing and start the next. There's a logic to everything they do, even if you don't necessarily agree with it.

Life should be an adventure. Dating should be an adventure. Not a marketing campaign. You don't need to create a dating profile with showing as much cleavage as possible (the guy equivalent to this is the shirtless man flexing in front of the mirror 🙄) and talking about how cool you are nor do you have to drop a pile with your stories about how your mother's your hero and you once saved a puppy from drowning.  And warnings like 'no psychos please!' probably says more about you than you think.

Which gets me to my final point and it's important. Everyone you've had in your life or want in your life is a reflection of you. Not to say that your ex who threatened to stab you with a butter knife suggests you're also coco for cocoa puffs but it does suggest that maybe you also have something broken in yourself to have a broken person in your life. It's not meant as a criticism but rather a sad reality that we've all had to face from time to time. Hey, life's hard as fuck so why wouldn't we be broken from time to time? Sometimes you got to fall apart before you can see what needs to be healed.

The other side is that if you're attracted to cool, smart, thoughtful people, maybe you're pretty cool, smart and thoughtful too. It seems like the perfect fit.






Thursday, January 3, 2019

I'm ENFJ and I think it's a good thing 🤓

Earlier this year, I applied for a job that required me to take a personality test. As it turns out, I'm an ENFJ personality which is apparently only 2% of the population and essentially means that I'm a 'natural leader'. In fact, I'm in good company because I'm in the same category as Oprah and Obama.

I thought that was super exciting and assumed that if a personality quiz was a major part of this application process (in fact, it seemed to be the most relevant) that I should at least get an interview. Unfortunately, I was wrong. It was totally fucking crickets.

The interesting thing about life is that we're told to be ourselves, to be bold, to be honest, to be confident and to not allow anyone to hold us back. But have you actually ever tried to do this and if so, how well did it go for you?

It's interesting how the traits that we often idealize in society aren't necessarily appreciated. We want to believe that they're not only accepted but encouraged, however, what looks good on a television show, in a book or in theory, doesn't always resonate in everyday life. A perfect example of this how we idealize people telling the truth. We hear how the truth shall set you free, how the truth always catches up with you and how people respect the truth. It's apparently also a faster track to heaven.

Unless of course, you tell a truth that hurts someone's feelings. Then you're automatically an asshole and on the road to hell. 🤭

I'm proud of the fact that I have a strong personality. I know I can take on anything and anyone at any time. I'm not saying I'm a fucking superhero or I don't have my moments of doubt but my many struggles in life have made me the person I am today.

It didn't happen overnight. I was a shy child, turned self-conscious and ostracized teenager to an anxiety-ridden adult. It wasn't the easiest path but it certainly prepared me for anything that was ahead and as I move forward, I'm sure many new challenges in the future.

Unfortunately, there are just some days where I don't feel so strong or confident. There are days that I don't feel like I can take on any monster that comes my way. I recently had that kind of day. It was a situation where I was physically tired, stressed about various events and everything just kind of broke me all at once. I felt frustrated and isolated.

I just happen to be having a conversation with a friend who knew nothing about my state of mind but somewhere along the line, we started talking about introverts vs. extroverts. More specifically, we discussed wolves vs. sheep in our society. (If you're less inclined to the dramatic comparison, that's leaders vs. followers)

The longer we discussed this topic, the more I began to realize that perhaps my feelings of isolation actually stem from the fact that my personality type isn't exactly common. Most of the time, that's not a big deal but it's during times when I feel isolated due to a situation, that difference is glaringly obvious to me. And I'm willing to bet that if I feel that way, there're probably others that do too but for different reasons whether it be where they live, their economic status, personality traits, a disability, a family situation, etc.

As much as it might seem like an inconvenience to be in the 2% of anything, it's that small percentage that actually makes me unique. Who the hell wants to be like everyone else? For me, being bold, being strong and being confident certainly is more appealing than the alternative. And as one of my favorite characters always says, in life, you always have two choices; either you can be the sheep or you can be a wolf but if given a choice, always be the wolf. I think he might be right.