Can you trust your counselor?

I glanced over the list of topics that I intend to write about in the upcoming weeks, hoping to find the least controversial, but landed on this one after deciding that everything I wanted to write about was bound to get someone's ire up. Then again, these days, that's not too difficult. We currently live in a victim-mentality-based society, where being offended is not only accepted but encouraged.

However, that's a topic for another day. Literally, I plan to write about that in the future.

Now, back to the topic of counselling.

First of all, this is not to disparage all counselors in every situation. I believe there are times when the right counselor can help someone  in the short term. If you're in counseling for years and years and not necessarily making progress, then I have to question whether or not it's working. And that becomes an even longer conversation about whether this is due to the counselor not being very good, or if it's because the counselee isn't doing the work. And it is work. The entire concept is supposed to be about looking inward, which is necessary, not looking for someone to blame for your problems.

Which leads me to the next comment I'd like to make. If you're going to your weekly/monthly/regular session just to rant about how the world keeps pissing you off, counseling isn't for you. Coffee with a friend might be more helpful. The unfortunate truth is that we live in a world where that doesn't seem to be as common. How many people in your life can you have an uninterrupted (without someone's phone beeping, etc.) conversation with someone who is actually and fully listening?

Stop and think about that for a moment. I'll wait.

Most conversations you have, if not interrupted, may even feel like the other person is waiting for you to finish a sentence, so they can jump in and add something about themselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Hey, I know, I've been on both sides of that situation.

But I'm once again getting off topic.

There are also some people who go to a psychiatrist, have a chat, then leave with a prescription in hand. For the record, I've heard a great deal about how SRIs are very difficult to get off of, if one chooses to do so in the future. The even bigger problem is that many people see no harm in staying on them forever, until their meds make them go wonky. However, there have been studies where sometimes these meds make symptoms worse, and it's also reported that they do nothing at all. I’m not sure, I’m not much of a scientist. I do recall a conversation with a young pharmacist years ago, in the timeframe where these drugs became the automatic go-to if you were not necessarily depressed, but not necessarily happy either. He passionately spoke against people taking them, based on studies he had read at that time. And we are talking back in the 90s.

Personally, it's none of my business if someone takes these meds, but I kind of cringe whenever people tell me that they do. But I also hate Big Pharma. That's another conversation for another day.

So, have I ever gone to a counselor? Yes. Have they been helpful? Most have not. I went to one that was somewhat helpful, but when he attempted to tell me that a lot of women's issues stemmed from the patriarchy, I found myself halting and backing up. I questioned this fact, which didn't go well, and that ended the counseling sessions. It also made me step back and wonder if perhaps it was necessarily a good thing to regularly talk to anyone who insists that nothing is my own fault. Whether they blame society, your parents, your ex, your teachers, bosses, or the patriarchy, I'm not sure the blame game is necessarily helpful. Not to suggest everything is your fault either, but there's a point where you probably should consider taking some responsibility for your own life.

I guess my even bigger point is that whether we're talking about counselors, psychologists, doctors of any kind, or any authority figure, for that matter, I think it's always good to step back and look at what they're telling you. In fact, let's widen that net a bit to politicians, the media, and even your own family or friends. I don't care what kind of title someone has; it doesn't mean everything they say is right. If something feels off, question why. When I was told that women act a certain way because of the patriarchy, I had doubts that the specific woman I had issues with acted like a bitch because of the oppression created by men. Sorry. That just didn't pass the sniff test for multiple reasons.

There's a growing belief that counseling sometimes causes more harm than good. The idea is that talking nonstop about yourself actually rehashes your issues and upsets on repeat. That somehow doesn't seem helpful. Actually, I once wrote a blog discussing how I heard (and believed to be true) that depression was often brought on because we think too much about ourselves. The solution for this was to volunteer or actively help others, do something nice for people, or, at the very least, get out of your own way. Someone I know, who's had mental health issues for years, ripped into me about this theory, so I backed off. But I'm not backing off now. I think I was right. There comes a point where brooding over your own life and how it lacks is counterproductive. I'm not a counselor, and I'm not giving medical advice, but I would suggest that doing something to help in your community would benefit us all more than navel-gazing.

In fact, if I were to go back in time to when I was unhappy in my 20s, I would tell myself to get off my ass, go for a walk, drop the birth control pills (which apparently affect women's moods), seriously explore religion, and start eating healthy foods and taking good vitamins. Is that the solution to everything? No, but you'd be surprised how much it does help.

And again, I'm no doctor, and I'm not giving medical advice, but I do have common sense and (as much as I don't want to admit it) decades of life experience. I've read the self-help books, and for the most part, they're all the same. Most don't give you the kick in the ass you need. And frankly, a lot of what makes us unhappy is our disconnection, whether that be with each other or spiritually speaking. I'm not saying religion is the answer to everything, but I believe  we need to feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.

There are times when I've either known or suspected that someone was going to a counselor. How? They tended to put up walls.

As an example, in the past, I’ve worked with people who did their job but never extended themselves in situations where teamwork would be appreciated. How do I know they went to a counselor? Because I've had counselors stress that I'm only at work to do my job, and I had to draw boundaries and not worry about other people or give two fucks once I’m off the clock. I wasn't required to answer the phone if they called me at home, for example, or jump in and offer help, even if something wasn’t part of my precise job title. Which, yes, to a degree is correct, you aren't really required, but sometimes it's necessary if you're part of a team. And being part of a team is what creates bonds. And bonds help create friendships, rather than just a group of strangers working together. And friendships fulfill us, even long after you leave that particular job. And that's one of the reasons why you go to counseling, because you feel a disconnect.

I've also heard of situations where counselors suggested that their clients cut ties with family members. I can see that if your relative abused you, but I've heard it suggested for a lot less. That seems extreme. If you cut ties with someone you might just need to fix a relationship with, then you don't have a bond. If you don't have the bond, then you feel a disconnect, and if you feel a disconnect, then you grow depressed. And if you grow depressed, guess where you go? To a counselor.

See where I'm going with this? I won't even get into the pharmaceutical end of things, but I guess that's a given. Big Pharma benefits from your misery. You could be a lifelong customer.

So, do you trust counselors? Do you trust self-help books and gurus? (whatever the fuck that is) If you're going to your third counseling session and feel better, then maybe it's a yes. If you're rolling in on your third or thirtieth year of counseling, I'm sorry, Suzy, but I think you’re getting on the wrong bus.

Easy come, easy go; are we too much of a throwaway society?

Last night I had a dream that I was somewhere (it kind of reminded me of a school, although I think it was actually supposed to represent a workplace) and there were bags and bags of clothes piled in a room. My automatic reaction was to donate them, but when I went to the bathroom, I returned to find them all removed. That's when two former coworkers of mine (from, like, 100 years ago) popped up and told me they were in someone's way, so they threw them in the garbage. I was furious!

Of course, in real life, I think these guys would have more common sense, but in today's world, I wouldn't bet on it. We've become an 'easy come, easy go' society with regard to material items, and when I think about it now, probably most things. We're equally likely to toss away food, friendships, marriages, jobs, lifestyles...I could go on. Easy come, easy go.

Our ancestors, many who probably didn't have a pot to piss in (literally) would roll in their graves if they saw the amount of waste that people incur these days. Quite frankly, most people over the age of 50 probably feel the same because many of us didn't have a lot growing up, so the idea of throwing out something in good condition on a whim is almost painful. Anytime something goes bad in the fridge, I think of the times I barely had anything in my fridge, those early days in my 20s, when I had my first apartment. I was working a minimum-wage job and trying to pay rent, heat, and electricity, along with other normal expenses. In fact, most of my friends were in the same situation, with some having to rely on food banks. And they all worked at least one job. Nothing was wasted in their homes.

Some people would shrug it off and say we live in a time of plenty. However, there's currently a recession looming (although I would argue it's already here), and with potential wars and tensions in the world, you have to consider that a lot of the products you love aren't necessarily from your own country; therefore, in the right circumstances, they may not always be accessible or reasonably priced. Don't believe me? Remember Covid? Have you bought coffee lately? It may not even be the product itself, but the packaging, fuel taxes, or some small component of the specific item that's adding to the price.

All that aside, I just don't like throwing out anything that someone else can use. I also love shopping secondhand. You never know what you might find. It's fun and often good quality. And I love donating too. I know that even though I might look at something as useless or ugly, it doesn't mean that someone else might not love it. Plus, most places you donate to are also charities. And hey, I know some secondhand shops are pricey, or perhaps the money may not go 100% to charity, but it also provides someone with a job.

And on one last note, I want to comment on something neat I recently saw on Instagram. There are various influencers who demonstrate clever ways to shop a thrift stores for your home, even if it involves some slight alterations. I also stumbled on an account where a lady bought nice, quality items from a second hand store and combined them with cheap items to make a gift. It's amazing how the right combination and a pretty bow can spruce things up! My brain doesn't work that way, so it would look awful if I did it, but some people have a creative eye. My creativity starts and ends with writing, and even that I sometimes question.

So, when you receive all that 'junk' you don't want for Christmas, or find yourself replacing old items, remember that there's a donation bin that you probably pass in your daily travels. 

The state of friendships in 2025

I was stunned to learn that a friend just deleted me on Facebook. Not that this hasn't happened before, I assure you, I piss off a lot of people, but this was someone who decided to delete me after moving away. I suspect I'm not the only one. 

We used to work together. I remember one time she was down and out, I gave her a gift card at Christmas because I thought she could use it. I remember actively looking through job ads when she was trying to find extra work and sending along anything I thought would interest her. I made a point to see her at work before she moved and checked in after the fact to make sure she arrived safely. And then she deleted me from Facebook.

People are strange. During COVID, I learned that it doesn't take much to turn people against you. As a real friend pointed out to me earlier today, people sometimes know exactly who you are (she was specifically referring to having a strong opinion) and have no issue with you until you disagree with them. The pandemic was a big one. But let's leave the COVID snake in the basket for today. That's a topic in itself.

And don't get me wrong. When something of this nature happens to me, I always reflect on whether I've done the same to someone else. And yes, years ago, I was part of a group laid off at my work, and I did delete some former coworkers at that time. Of course, these weren't people with whom I had personal relationships; they were just people I worked with that I kind of thought were dicks anyway. Of them all, only one had ever reached out to me after the fact, and that was to make a slightly insensitive remark (which I can't recall now) that pissed me off. Well, in fairness, she was kind of a dick too, so I guess she also fell in the last category. But that in itself could be another story for another day. In fact, Vancouver itself is another story for another day. And boy, do I want to talk.

But back to the topic at hand. Friendships are a strange thing. When I was a kid, I wanted to be everyone's friend, despite the fact that I wasn't exactly a popular choice. In high school, I had short-term friends, but mostly no friends. I actually felt quite ostracized, even though I wasn't sure what it was back then; it's something I recognized as an adult. I moved to Moncton while still a teenager and was shocked to make lots of friends quickly. After thinking I was a terrible, horrid person who no one wanted to be friends with (or seen with, more accurately. I had some friends who'd talk to me on the phone or in secret, just not in public 🙄) so, imagine my surprise when I made friends everywhere I went. One of my best friends back then was a lady I met at the corner store! We always chatted, and people thought we were sisters. I made friends at every job I had. I made friends at the bars. I made friends with neighbors who started chatting with me as I walked by one day. It was the total opposite of when I lived on PEI, and I'm happy to report that a lot of those people are still my friends. I later moved to Vancouver, and it was the same thing.

Then I moved back to PEI. This island is a different animal altogether. I quickly saw my high school patterns form again. People were friendly, but standoffish, and after awhile, I got standoffish too. I seemed to be seen with different eyes here than in other places. The friendships I have made here tend to be mostly people who aren't from the island or were away from it for long periods of time, so they see the world a bit differently. Locals tend to judge people from the family they come from, or the person they were 40 years ago, that kind of thing. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people talk about 'that bunch' or the 'so and so's (insert family name) in a generalized way, and it's clear that it would take a lot to change your brand once it's been established.

These days, my friend group is small but mighty. Some of my best friends live in NB. I may not talk to them every day, but if I were to visit Moncton tomorrow, they'd welcome me with a warm hug and be sincerely happy to see me. BC is the same. PEI is a different animal, as I said earlier. I have a small group of friends here, and to be honest, most of them would report feeling like they don't fit in with the majority of people here. As I said, there's a standoffish vibe that's unfortunate, but a real thing here.

So the state of friendship in 2025 is back to awkward, like it was when I grew up on the island. But it's fine because with technology, it's easy to keep in touch with people who I know care and know me well. And really, you only need a few of those people. 

Do you know people who play a character? 🎬

Come on! You know at least one fake person. It's someone who appears to be playing a character more than being themselves. They act and just feel inauthentic. You can sense it from them a mile away. Your conversations almost don't make sense because their words don't match what they're actually doing. It's infuriating because you feel like screaming, 'Just be your fucking self!' but you don't; instead you just nod and smile and inwardly roll your eyes.

Not to suggest that I'm holier than thou. When I was younger, there were many times when I attempted to 'fake it till I made it', but quite unsuccessfully, I must add. The point was to act cool and more interesting than I actually was, but that fell flat fast because, as it turns out, acting is exhausting. Also, people just don't believe you. Eventually, you recognize that it's pointless. 

I saw that it was pointless, but I still witness people who continue to think they're fooling the world. 

They aren't. 

I'm not just talking about everyday people; I also mean politicians, influencers, and so-called reality stars. These people can flip as soon as they have an audience. That audience could be on the other side of the camera or the other side of the room; as long as they know that eyes are on them, they jump into their role.

Is this just the acceptable norm now, especially in an age where social media is 24/7? Is it perhaps simply narcissism? Do social pressures cause it to happen? Is this symbolic of mentally unhealthy people? What does this say about the world we live in? Do people feel unaccepted when they're themselves? Do we punish those who are too honest? Too real? It gives you something to think about.

As it turns out, characters aren't limited to fiction. And that's unfortunate. 

I just had a birthday....🎂🎁 and it made me think of this.... 🤨

Last week I had another birthday. What I find interesting about this yearly event, is who pokes their head out to say 'hi', and let you know they're thinking of you, sometimes people you don't expect. I know the people who will go out of their way to reach out, and I also know the people who will dig their heads in the sand. And hey, that's fine. 

Just don't think I don't notice. 😘

Where am I going with this? 

Earlier today as I was cleaning the house, I recalled a birthday many years ago. I was probably in grade 5 or 6 and despite being very unpopular and shy, I invited all the girls in my class to the birthday party. (I would've invited the boys, but I was even less popular with them 🤷🏻‍♀️)  I believe most (if not all) showed up. Everyone had fun. There was food, I'm assuming a cake, lots of screaming kids running around, and that's pretty much all I remember from the event. 

What gets me about it is many years later, long after I moved away and back again, I occasionally see these girls from that particular party. Except probably one, most of them act cold and standoffish. I actually had one go out of her way to avoid me at the local drugstore a few years ago, something someone with me noticed. Others look apprehensive to even say hello. One of which I saw recently at a second-hand store and pretended not to see me until I called out to her. I don't look that different I wouldn't be familiar to this person who was one of my few friends back in the day. Having said that, there's at least one in the group that I see regularly, who's always friendly and chatty, but even there, I sense a distance and I'm not sure why. I'm not saying that I want these people to put me in their Will but isn't it interesting we can't connect on something as innocent as a childhood we shared, even in a small way. It's pretty sad actually.

But that's our world today. I'd like to blame it on the pandemic insanity, but it started before, and I'm not sure why. It's disappointing. I don't write this to complain or do a 'poor me' cause chances are, if I had a conversation with most of these people now, I wouldn't give two fucks to talk to them again, but I do find it strange that people become so cold with age. It's like some people view their life like a business and since they already hired all their staff, they're making it clear to no longer take applications...you know, even if you aren't necessarily applying. 

It's an interesting reflection of our world. And maybe a little disappointing too. 

One of my birthday gifts from a fellow Golden Girls fan!

Politics isn't a team sport 🏈

Giving people advice is almost always a waste of my time. It doesn't matter if the advice is sought or not, whether or not I have valid experiences to back it up, or even if I have the facts behind it because people don't see me as a legitimate source. Perhaps they view me as a flake or wacko; I'm not sure, but they definitely don't think I ever know what I'm talking about, and that's fine; it don't hurt my feelings. I have more productive things to do with my time and energy. 

I bring this up because I also avoid the topic of politics. If you haven't guessed it already, it's for the same reasons I explained in the first paragraph. Not that it matters, because these days, most people bring it up on their own anyway. You could be sitting around a dinner table or standing in a checkout line at the grocery store, and someone will share their opinion with you. And if you disagree, they repeat all the talking points they heard in mainstream media. If you attempt to break down why that's not correct, they grow frustrated because, much like our current politicians, they've only memorized the lines of this play; they didn't actually read the whole thing. 

People on social media are probably the worst. Everything is virtual signaling. They deem it necessary for everyone to know their stand and that they're 'good people' following the 'right' path. I've mentioned this previously. But more and more, politics are starting to feel like a team sport. It's no longer about making positive progress but your 'team' getting another point. In fact, it's as if people are more tied up to their 'team' than they are concerned with the results. So what if people die, families go hungry or become homeless, or if life in general is miserable and hopeless, as long as your 'team' is doing better in the polls or scoring some political point. It's all about rubbing it in your opponent's face. It's like a sporting match, where people trash talk the fans on the other team, except for the stark reality that this isn't a team sport, an irrelevant game, but real life with real consequences and relationships you're never getting back. 

In the end, the test is how we treat each other. We're not going to pass.

It was on purpose 🤷🏻‍♀️

Call me cynical, but a lot of the miseries of the last few years were on purpose. It may not be popular to say so, and those who believe in the good of the world will probably disagree, but unlike them, I'm skeptical of the good of the world. And even more so, I'm wary of governments, corporations, and organizations. It could be incompetence. It could be apathy. But I don't believe that to be true.  To believe that is to still have faith in the world, which I don't. I want to, but I don't.

What am I referring to? What's on purpose? You can fill in the blank. The pandemic. The fallable vaccine. The economy. Inflation. The collapsing healthcare system. I could go on. 

And it's not so much that someone pressed that magic 'fuck the world' button, but that those in positions to do so, turned a blind eye as the first domino was about to fall. After which they shrugged their shoulders and said, 'but it was out of my hands' or 'it was impossible to foresee things turning out this way'. If I saw things turning out those specific ways and other people saw those situations turning out that way, then how could the so-called experts and scholars at the top not see it?

And again, maybe it means that everybody at the top is incompetent and stupid, but if that's the case, why are they at the top? How did we, for example, get so many incompetent politicians who are also surrounded by equally stupid and incompetent people? 

Because it's on purpose. Follow the money. Everyone responsible should be audited and investigated. But you know what? Even if they were found guilty, many wouldn't believe it because we've been told any uncomfortable truths are misinformation. That's if the judges and auditors do an honest assessment in the first place. The rot runs deep.

Because it's all on purpose.