Thursday, January 3, 2019

I'm ENFJ and I think it's a good thing

Earlier this year, I applied for a job that required me to take a personality test. As it turns out, I'm an ENFJ personality which is apparently only 2% of the population and essentially means that I'm a 'natural leader'. In fact, I'm in good company because I'm in the same category as Oprah and Obama.

I thought that was super exciting and assumed that if a personality quiz was a major part of this application process (in fact, it seemed to be the most relevant) that I should at least get an interview. Unfortunately, I was wrong. It was totally fucking crickets.

The interesting thing about life is that we're told to be ourselves, to be bold, to be honest, to be confident and to not allow anyone to hold us back. But have you actually ever tried to do this and if so, how well did it go for you?

It's interesting how the traits that we often idealize in society aren't necessarily appreciated. We want to believe that they're not only accepted but encouraged, however, what looks good on a television show, in a book or in theory, doesn't always resonate in everyday life. A perfect example of this how we idealize people telling the truth. We hear how the truth shall set you free, how the truth always catches up with you and how people respect the truth. It's apparently also a faster track to heaven.

Unless of course, you tell a truth that hurts someone's feelings. Then you're automatically an asshole and on the road to hell. 五

I'm proud of the fact that I have a strong personality. I know I can take on anything and anyone at any time. I'm not saying I'm a fucking superhero or I don't have my moments of doubt but my many struggles in life have made me the person I am today.

It didn't happen overnight. I was a shy child, turned self-conscious and ostracized teenager to an anxiety-ridden adult. It wasn't the easiest path but it certainly prepared me for anything that was ahead and as I move forward, I'm sure many new challenges in the future.

Unfortunately, there are just some days where I don't feel so strong or confident. There are days that I don't feel like I can take on any monster that comes my way. I recently had that kind of day. It was a situation where I was physically tired, stressed about various events and everything just kind of broke me all at once. I felt frustrated and isolated.

I just happen to be having a conversation with a friend who knew nothing about my state of mind but somewhere along the line, we started talking about introverts vs. extroverts. More specifically, we discussed wolves vs. sheep in our society. (If you're less inclined to the dramatic comparison, that's leaders vs. followers)

The longer we discussed this topic, the more I began to realize that perhaps my feelings of isolation actually stem from the fact that my personality type isn't exactly common. Most of the time, that's not a big deal but it's during times when I feel isolated due to a situation, that difference is glaringly obvious to me. And I'm willing to bet that if I feel that way, there're probably others that do too but for different reasons whether it be where they live, their economic status, personality traits, a disability, a family situation, etc.

As much as it might seem like an inconvenience to be in the 2% of anything, it's that small percentage that actually makes me unique. Who the hell wants to be like everyone else? For me, being bold, being strong and being confident certainly is more appealing than the alternative. And as one of my favorite characters always says, in life, you always have two choices; either you can be the sheep or you can be a wolf but if given a choice, always be the wolf. I think he might be right.







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