Sunday, August 30, 2015

Childless??? You selfish monster!!

AhhhChristmas in July! Doesn’t that sound exciting? In the midst of sunshine and summer vacations, many Canadian citizens woke up one morning with an extra little bit of money nestled in their bank accounts. The people of Canada were excited – their prime minister’s small heart grew about three times the size that day – it made them giddy to even consider such a thing.
           
Alas, it wasn’t all Canadians that found this nice little present waiting in their bank account, but rather, the people with kids. See, it was actually the Universal Child Care Benefit, something only
doled out to those with children.

The childless people of the land merely shrugged, bitterly walked away, but at heart, kind of always expected that they weren’t to be included. After all, isn’t it the same song they’ve heard for all their childless years? It’s right up with a few other tunes that include some other fan favorites:

            Since you got no kids, you got no life.
            Holidays aren’t for you.
            You loaded, swinging single
            What do you do with all your money?
            You'll regret it someday

Haven’t heard them? You’ve probably got kids;-)

Childless people hear these songs all the time. Those who are single and childless (insert cringe here) hear them even more so, especially in the workplace.

I actually recall one time during my twenties, when one of my former bosses or coworkers (I can’t recall which one) commented on how I had to work various weekends/holidays/other undesirable times because I had no family - and no, I wasn’t hatched out of an egg in a lab - what she meant was that I had no kids. I was also told that perhaps the lady with the family was more deserving of a job promotion (come on! She has all those kids to pay for!) and that single people don’t have ‘a day’ such as Mother’s Day or Father’s day because ‘every day is your day.’

If every day were a single person’s day, wouldn’t more people be doing it? I couldn’t understand how that possibly made senseyou know, as I returned home from work every night to a bachelor apartment with a crooked kitchen floor and (eventually) a mouse issue, when I was making my own dinner for the 300th time that year (the other option was to starve to death), when I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay my bills after my shitbox car was being fixed (yet again) and while I sat by myself watching television with minimal, rabbit ear reception, in my living room/bedroom, I wondered to myself – is every day my day? Wow, if that was the case, what terrible conditions, these poor families must’ve had to endure!

I was listening to a Vancouver radio station a couple of days after this payout occurred – specifically to an open phone portion of the program – when a very articulate, young lady called in to discuss her frustration with the issued cheques. She pointed out that she found it difficult to pay her bills. Having spent three years in Vancouver, with the high cost of living, this didn’t exactly surprise me and in all honesty, this is a song many people from across the country are currently singing.

The lady went on to explain how she – as a childless person – did not receive a cheque. She went on to point out that she knew some very wealthy people with children that did get the payout.

Hmmm.well, that doesn’t make sense, does it?

I brought this topic up with a few single, childless friends, who apathetically shrugged it off and  said, ‘We’re used to it…’
           
I must admit that in my twenties, I felt a great deal of pressure to ‘settle down’ and have kids. Relatives, coworkers, friends - most people in fact - made me feel like I was wasting my life by merely living it on my own terms. Being nonconformists from the get go; I felt no desire to cave in, while at the same time, felt like I was somehow not measuring up because I wasn’t part of the married with children demographic. If I ever had any desire to have kids, it would’ve easily been lost in the shuffle of emotions that ranged from rebellion to insecurities.

Then again, if I had kids back in those days, I would’ve probably had to settle in situations a few times in my life. I probably never would’ve moved around the country, perhaps never penned four books, I probably would’ve continued to work a job that made me miserable and I probably wouldn’t have the freedom that I enjoy today. 


And when you look at it that way, maybe every day is my day.



Canadian author Mima is known for her complicated and diverse characters, a dark style and for never shying away from controversial topics. To request an interview or if you are interested in doing a book review, please send requests here  
 

Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page

For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing


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Sunday, July 19, 2015

I bet you think this blog is about you....

Back in the 70s, Carly Simon released a song called ‘You're so Vain’ that told the story of a self-involved ex-boyfriend. The timing kind of makes sense, considering this was the decade that was known as the ‘me generation’. However, I’m not so sure if they even scratched the surface on narcissism, considering we now live in a world where people often spend more time thinking about their next social media post than they do the person sitting beside them at work.


And hey, I’m certainly not saying that I've never lived a narcissistic moment – fixating on my makeup in the morning, reading a text message when I should be giving someone else my full attention or focusing on my writing career rather than checking on my friends – to a certain extent, it is human nature. But at what point is it crossing the line?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and noticed that regardless of what the psychologists say, it isn’t just the ‘millennial’ generation that's self-involved - although, realistically, it wouldn’t be a stretch to expect someone who's relatively young to be wrapped up in themselves, since they are still pretty new at this whole life thing and lets be honest, it can be a little overwhelming to even the most seasoned adult. Then again, isn’t it always easier to pick on ‘the kids’, the teens and twentysomethings and arrogantly roll our eyes with a sense of superiority? Forgetting, of course, it is often the eye-rollers themselves who brought up these ‘thoughtless youth’?

I think it is actually more disturbing when I stumble across someone more advanced in age who sends out the message that they’re the center of the universe, that their experiences and beliefs are the only ones that matter or that their problems are much more concerning than those of say, their neighbor. It happens a lot, often after scoffing at the ‘kids’ out there, they will start rambling on about their latest problem –financial, health, the person that pissed them off at work today – then kindly end the conversation and move on to the next person who’s lucky enough to hear their endless rants. If you do manage to get a word in edgewise to these kind of people, they blankly nod, as if they are waiting for you to shut up, so they can continue talking about themselves again, not really hearing what you are saying or only catching a few words.

‘…..blah blah blah….ok, can we get back to me now….’

I recently had a conversation with an obnoxious relative that insisted that her own perspective of the world was the only one. There was no room in her universe for anyone else’s ideas and it certainly wasn’t something she was about to consider either. She rambled on about how she ‘knew’ for a fact
that heredity was the result of the roll of fat around her middle and that’s just the way it was – her mother had it, her mother’s mother had it, so it was hereditary. It didn’t matter that she watched what she ate, it didn’t matter that she didn’t understand (or have any interest in hearing about) the concept that as we age, our body changes, causing fat to sit on our bellies if we continue with the same habits that from our teens and twenties.

Nope! It was hereditary. Nothing you can do about it and not only was it her destiny, it was apparently mine as well.

“You’re going to get fat and old too.” She sniped at me, as if my slim body were dancing around the room, flaunting my flat stomach in her face. “I’ll see you in twenty years.”
           
Ah no, bitch. You won’t be seeing me in twenty years.

The point is that sometime we get so caught up in our own egos and being right, that we forget that conversation are supposed to be a two way street, an exchange of ideas and feelings, a way of opening our eyes to a world outside of the one in our own minds. It's not supposed to be a daily 'It's all about me' platform for those in need of validation. Unfortunately, too often it is.




Canadian author Mima is known for her complicated and diverse characters, a dark style and for never shying away from controversial topics. To request an interview or if you are interested in doing a book review, please send requests here  


Mima is the author of Fire and the prequel, A Spark before the Fire, as well as The Rock Star of Vampires  Her Name is Mariah and Different Shades of the Same Color. Join Mima on Facebook, TwitterG+ and Goodreads also, check out her Amazon Author Page

For some reading, check out her blogs – personal or writing


Don’t let the fun stop here - sign up for the newsletter!